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Ferengi Rules of Acquisition
According to Star Trek.
1: Once you have their money, you never give it back.
2: The best deal is the one that makes the most profit.
3: Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
4: A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
5: Always exaggerate your estimates.
6: Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
7: Always keep your ears open.
8: Small print leads to large risk.
9: Opportunity, plus instinct, equals profit.
10: Greed is eternal.
11: Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.
12: Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
13: Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
15: Dead men close no deals.
16: A deal is a deal (is a deal)... until a better one comes along.
17: A contract is a contract is a contract... but only between Ferengi.
18: A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19: Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
20: He who dives under the table today lives to profit tomorrow.
21: Never place friendship before profit.
22: Wise men can hear profit in the wind.
23: Nothing is more important than your health... except for your money.
27: There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
29: What's in it for me?
30: Confidentiality equals profit.
31: Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.
32: Insult something he cares about.
33: It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34: War is good for business.
35: Peace is good for business.
37: The early investor reaps the most interest.
39: Don't tell customers more than they need to know.
40: She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
41: Profit is its own reward.
43: Feed your greed, but not enough to choke it.
44: Never confuse wisdom with luck.
45: Expand or die.*
47: Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
48: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
52: Never ask when you can take.
53: Never trust anybody taller than you.
54: Rate divided by time equals profit." (Also known as "The Velocity of Wealth.")
55: Take joy from profit, and profit from joy.
57: Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them.
58: There is no substitute for success.
59: Free advice is seldom cheap.
60: Keep your lies consistent.
62: The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
63: Work is the best therapy-at least for your employees.
65: Win or lose, there's always Hupyrian beetle snuff.
66: Someone's always got bigger ears.
69: Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
74: Knowledge equals profit.
75: Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
76: Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the Hell out of your enemies.
77: If you break it, I'll charge you for it!
79: Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
82: The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
85: Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
87: Learn the customer's weaknesses, so that you can better take advantage of him.
88: It ain't over 'til its over.
89: Ask not what you can do for your profits, but what your profits can do for you.
92: There are many paths to profit.
94: Females and finances don't mix.
95: Expand or die.*
97: Enough is never enough.
98: Every man has his price.
99: Trust is the biggest liability of all.
100: When it's good for business, tell the truth.
102: Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
103: Sleep can interfere with...
104: Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
106: There is no honor in poverty.
109: Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
110: Exploitation begins at home.
111: Treat people in your debt like family... exploit them.
112: Never have sex with the boss' sister.
113: Always have sex with the boss.
121: Everything is for sale - even friendship.
123: Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
125: You can't make a deal if you're dead.
135: Listen to secrets, but never repeat them.
139: Wives serve; brothers inherit.
141: Only fools pay retail.
144: There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
147: People love the bartender.
153: Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
162: Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
168: Whisper your way to success.
177: Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
181: Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
183: When life hands you ungaberries, make detergent.
184: A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
188: Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
189: Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
190: Hear all, trust nothing.
192: Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
193: Trouble comes in threes.
194: It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
199: Location, location, location.
200: A Ferengi chooses no side but his own
202: The justification for profit is profit.
203: New customers are like razor-toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.
208: Sometimes, the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
211: Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success, don't hesitate to step on them.
212: A good lie is easier to believe than the truth.
214: Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach.
216: Never gamble with a telepath.
217: You can't free a fish from water.
218: Always know what you're buying.
218: Sometimes what you get free cost entirely too much.
219: Possession is eleven-tenths of the law!
223: Beware the man who doesn't take time for Oo-mox.
227: If that's what's written, then that's what's written.
229: Latinum lasts longer than lust.
235: Duck; death is tall.
236: You can't buy fate.
239: Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
240: Time, like latinum, is a highly limited commodity.
242: More is good... all is better.
243: Always leave yourself an out.
255: A wife is [a] luxury... a smart accountant a neccessity.
257: When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits, kill the messenger.
261: A wealthy man can afford everything except a conscience.
263: Never let doubt interfere with your lust for Latinum.
266: When in doubt, lie.
272: Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal.
280: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
284: Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
285: No good deed ever goes unpunished.
The Unwritten Rule: When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up.

In addition to the Rules, the Ferengi also recognize the Five Stages of Acquisition:
Infatuation, Justification, Appropriation, Obsession, Resale.

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1998.01.01