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"Meat and Two Veg"

Dick shaped vegan sausage shepherds pie loaf.


Created for an election day party to symbolically castrate the patriarchy.

Served: (click to zoom)


Ingredients: Main: Dick mold. Several organic russet potatoes. One white onion. Large vegan sausages. Avocado oil cooking spray. Gravy: Corn Starch. White Flour. Vegan Bullion. Garlic Powder. Sides: Phallic shaped veges such as halved peeled baby carrots, pickles, zucchinis.

MAIN DISH:
  1. Preheat oven to 400.
  2. Fill the mold with whole organic russet potatoes to determine how many.
  3. Peel potatoes slightly. Cut into small chunks. Put in covered Pyrex. Microwave until just barely soft enough to smash, about 1.5 minutes per potato, stirring periodically.
  4. Dice a white onion very fine and sauté separately.
  5. Mash potatoes. Add a few tablespoons of vege butter. No plant milks as trying to keep moisture low so it'll bake firm. Stir in onions.
  6. Microwave two large vegan sausages just to lightly warm. About 30 seconds each.
  7. Spray the dick mold generously with avocado cooking oil.
  8. Line the mold with liberally with mashed potatoes. Place and press, trying not to move around which smears the pan oil.
  9. Insert one sausage long ways, second sausage split for balls. Cover with more mashed potatoes.
  10. Bake on middle oven shelf for at least 40 minutes. Done when top bulges and starts to brown.
  11. Let cool well.
  12. Dislodged the edges of the mold with a very thin flexible sliver of plastic or silicon (as opposed to a thick spatula).
  13. Place a large plate on top of mold and flip. Gently and patiently dislodge dick by drumming on the mold with a heavy tool.
  14. Accent with some gravy and side dishes. Slice and serve.
GRAVY:
Adapted from a common recipe.
  1. Put a heaping cup of cool water in a wide shallow sauce pan. Place on a wide burner capable of a good low simmer setting, but do not turn on heat.
  2. Mix at least 1 tablespoon vegan bullion or one cube crushed into the water pan.
  3. Sprinkle on 1 teaspoon cornstarch.
  4. Sprinkle on 2 tablespoons white flour.
  5. Sprinkle on additional spices such as garlic powder or mustard.
  6. WHISK WHISK WHISK fast and long until finely and uniformly mixed. Break up chunks with fork as needed.
  7. Turn on burner on low. Continue whisking. As it slowly heats with continued whisking the gravy will start to firm up. DO NOT let it boil. When firm enough, turn off the heat and remove from burner.
  8. Let cool some. Transfer to decanter and serve.
Production collage (click to zoom). Left to Right, Top to Bottom: Free-piled dick mold. Potatoes filling mold. Perfectly finely chopped onions. Potatoes boiling, mashing. Sausage placement. Baking. Side dish. Gravy parts.

2025.01.20

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